So, I put a bottle of J2O in the fridge last thing at night so I could enjoy it chilled in the morning, then head up to bed.  Brother comes home at stupid o'clock after hanging out with some nocturnal wastemen, and proceeds to go on Need for Speed: Carbon and keep me awake for the next hour or two with vroom sounds.  Ok then.  The following morning I go down to the kitchen to retrieve my J2O, and open the fridge only to find it's nowhere to be seen.  I phone mum to ask if she'd seen it, 'cause she's good like that, but she hadn't, and I hear 'I drank it' come from across the landing.  Turned out that shitbag brother had gone and drank it in the night, and didn't even have the decency to replace it with another one from the cupboard.  What a cunt.

Good luck to his future housemates.

Looks are deceiving

Today I went to the library.  I decided to get a library card, so the woman who worked there handed me a form to fill out.  It included an optional section about ethnicity, so I ticked the box for 'Mixed: White & Black Caribbean', as always.  After handing the completed form to the library woman, she took one look at the ethnicity section, then looked up at me...

"Did you mean to tick that one?"

"Yes!"

How bloody rude?!  Well, I thought so anyway...

This morning I got up and walked to the bathroom, then immediately had to rush back and lie down (hyperventilating) due to a sudden wave of overwhelming lightheadedness and nausea.

Again!  It happened the other week as well.

After plucking up the courage to get up again, I had a sip of water, and as a result was bent over the toilet retching for the following 10 minutes.

Fackin' great!

Now I'm fine.

Cool upgrade, bro.

My now ex used to say I was one helluvan upgrade from his last girlfriend, and apparently some of his friends said the same, although my somewhat low opinion of myself meant I refused to believe it.  He once compared it to 'exchanging his old Kia Pride for a Ferrari'.  He's reunited with the 'Kia Pride' now, which I just thought was lulzy.  Who gets a new car, shows it off and lavishes it with attention to the point of fucking smothering it, then one day abandons it by the side of the road for no reason and later goes off to get their old car back (which they'd got rid of because it was making them unhappy)?  Except they're not cars, they're human beings.  What a selfish bastard.

Me, I like Mini Coopers.

Ever play that game where you draw a body section, then fold the paper over and someone else draws the next bit?

http://thesartorialtwist.com

Can't...stop...

Here are some of the best combinations it churned out.  The forth one shows it can kinda work sometimes; it's just better when it doesn't!  I may have to frame number two and put it on my wall.

Wigglings in Central Milton Keynes

I spent a couple minutes on MS Paint creating this masterpiece, and my squidgy dad said I should showcase it on the web for all to enjoy.  Look at that face.  That's the exact face that maggots pull when they drown, according to this site.